It’s 3:44 am, and I have another alarm set to go off at 3:45. I have to catch the first bus downtown at 4:30, so I can catch the BoltBus to Eugene, OR. This weekend is Euzine.

I don’t feel nervous like I did before XOXO. And this time, there’s a lot more at stake. This time, I’m selling my art. I can’t stay under the radar; that would defeat the purpose of the exercise. I’m going to prove I can do this.

Euzine will be my first specifically zine fest, but I’ve sold at many craft fairs before. We did Christmas craft fairs every year with Girl Guides, and I would often claim a piece of my Grandma’s tables, too. She sold crocheted decorations and kitchenware. I sewed and knit. This isn’t new for me.

But then my Grandma stopped doing craft fairs, so I stopped, too. Because it was easy to do it with her, and hard to do it alone.

This is my goal for 2019. I want to learn how to sell my art. But I can’t let myself open an Etsy shop and call it done. That’s easy; I’ve done that before. Online, you can make excuses for failure. “Oh, it’s hard to get attention online. There’s so much out there.”

But sitting behind a table in a crowded hall and watching everyone sell their stuff but you: that’s a definitive answer. Can I do this or can’t I? I’ll find out soon.

It’s 3:59. I have to get out of bed.