2018.09.29

Blogging should be easy when you’re pretty sure no one is reading.

This week, I started a new dose of my antidepressant: 150mg, the ✨magic number. This is when it’s supposed to start working on my depression, not just anxiety.

It’s been doing a superb job on the anxiety. My brain is quieter, most days. I still have nights when I can’t shut down, cycling through apps on my phone, long after bedtime, but not actually taking any information in. But most days are better.

The biggest benefit since I started these meds this year is I have finally broken my lifelong habit of biting and picking my hangnails. The last time I tried medication, three years ago, I stopped biting my nails. I started wearing nail polish regularly to deter me, and that’s helped, too. I never knew before it stopped that it was a habit tied to anxiety.

As my mind continues to calm and clear, I’m discovering all kinds of things I don’t need to do anymore. And even more things I can just do, without the equivocating and procrastinating that has marked most of my life.

Blogging is easy when you just stop and write.