these few days haven’t been very good. i woke up at 10 this morning. got up and had a shower and got dressed, then i sat down and meditated for 10 minutes. i’ve been doing this for a few days now. i’ve been doing it whenever, but i want to set an alarm for the afternoon to make myself stop and do it. i need some more fucking structure in my life, but it’s so hard when it’s all on me.

so i’ve spent most of today watching morse on youtube. i read the internet some, but i’ve been getting better at not constantly checking tumblr and twitter. i haven’t played as many video games. but i also haven’t written anything of note in a few days, and now the daily word count to make the deadline is nearly a thousand words a day. my goal is just to keep it down. keep it to where i don’t have to kill myself to make the deadline. just write.

on top of all of this, my next book is coming out next week. i have to write something for the blog today. i have to have some posts ready for next week. and i have to finish writing this story so i’ll be ready to send it off, all at the same time. plus, i’m meant to be working on the next ones. i want to rewrite the new year’s story to pass it on, and i still have an edit to do for them. it’s not like i’m wanting for things to do. so why aren’t they the things i want to do? and why isn’t mail working? blah.

i thought my 10 minute timer was on, but it wasn’t. that’s the kind of week it’s been.