2013.05.03

it’ll be almost ten by the time i finish writing ten minutes here. i’m going to make breakfast and listen to the accidental tech podcast (which i am only writing out once so that in the future i remember what the hell i was talking about), then i’m going to check if there’s soccer on tv, and then i’m going to write. i really don’t know what i’m writing right now. i’m afraid that the bad review i read over on amazon killed my confidence a little. i’m having a hard time putting the story together.

i’m trying really hard this time to make one of the characters an asshole. but i’m trying to make the main character an asshole. does that still work? this is all experiment. what can i write? can i write it better?

here’s the other thing going on in my head right now. this is what happens with everything i’ve ever written. i get a few great comments, a few more likes or links, and a few hundred people will read it without saying anything at all. but i’ve never been popular. my writing has never been able to cross that threshold. everything i write feels so small, and i don’t know if that’s something i can change or just the way of the world.

am i not meant to go viral? do i not deserve popularity? i understand the difference between myself and the work–don’t worry. but i have never put a story out there and watched it go very far. maybe my writing is more like me than i know. maybe it likes to stick around close to home.

i know that the answer is to write more. so i’m writing more. i already have more ready to go, ready to be published. by the end of this year, there will be three stories with my name on them for you to buy. hopefully, there will be more, but man, three books. that’s impressive. that feels great. i just wish i knew how it feels to the readers. are they excited? or am i just another person with demands on their time and attention and money in this world of free content on the internet?