2012.05.12

Maybe I can try to keep this up. I wrote early yesterday. Today, tomorrow, Monday, I’m off. Tuesday and Thursday, I don’t work until 930. That just leaves Wednesday and Friday that I’m working at 830 to try to keep up the streak. You only need 10 days in a row to get the badge. And once you get the badge, you have the badge. That’s what I love about 750 words. Even though you have to start your streak over again from the beginning if you miss a day, you still have the badges from past streaks. You still keep the proof that you can do this.

I’m inching along with the book. I haven’t sat down and done some real writing since I broke 50k. But the thing is, I don’t think real writing is where I do my best work. I do my best work when I’m not planning to do it. All of my best blog post, the ones I eventually edit and publish, they didn’t come because I sat down and said to myself, Today, I am going to write an essay. Which is also probably why I had so much trouble with school and homework and deadlines.

My best blog posts happen because Levon Helm dies or Bjork comes up on shuffle or I go see some Shakespeare or my team loses in game 7. They just happen. I can’t control it, which is frustrating. But I can channel it. That’s why it’s so important that I keep up my blog. Because I always have a place to put that writing when it happens. I know where it goes. I know I have a place for it, and that makes it easy to write. I know I have a place for these silly stories.

Maybe that’s why having a blog for my novel is working for me. I wrote this the other day, that it’s helped me see things I had lost sight of. Maybe it’s also an outlet, not just a collection box. Knowing that I have a place to put ideas before they get lost in my head. That’s a very GTD notion. You can’t trust your brain, so you have to put things elsewhere, outside. Whether it’s a calendar or a file folder or a blog, everything has a place. I can trust that this novel will get finished because the ideas are waiting for me when I need them.

I’m writing here, too. I’ve fallen way behind on my paper journal, the daily calendar book where I just write a quick handwritten page every night. Except I haven’t done it in maybe a week. I don’t think I’ve done it since I saw The Avengers. Because I also write about my day in Day One. I also write here. It’s all different outlets for the same information, so one of them has to give. It’s probably going to be the daily calendar. I love the idea of going back and reading it, but I’m so much more likely to write on the computer.

That’s not sad. That’s just me being a product of my time. I own that. I love my laptop, my iPhone. I love the internet and blogging and Twitter. Eventually, I am going to make my living here because here is where I’ve learned more than anywhere else. I’m not best suited to jobs in the real world. I know this now, and I feel more at peace about it than when I left BC. It’s the same reason that I’m not so sad that I won’t be getting into UBC.

I’m feeling more and more like I know what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s not anything new. It’s just an affirmation of what I’ve wanted to do all along. But I’ve been too scared. I’ve been too scared of real life and, yes, what people think. Because I want to be normal. Everyone does. Normal is hard to be when what you really want to do is make art. I just have to work harder to make art normal. To make art something that people want and are willing to buy. That’s why I like the idea of a fair.

It’s harder for people to buy art than to make art. There are so many misconceptions tied up with art. You have to buy from a dealer, a gallery, a person in a beret. That you have to know something about the art. No, you just have to like it and want it on your wall.