2012.05.05

I have to get out of the house soon, and I haven’t really decided what I’m going to do. It looks really nice out there, but who knows? It might be windy as hell. There goes any plans to sit on the waterfront and sketch. I might walk over to Point Pleasant Park again. Or up to the Commons. You know, I don’t spend enough time up there. Should I take my computer with me? Or just my sketchbook. My fingers are starting to get antsy, and I think if I made the time, forced myself to sit down and write, with no other distractions, I could get a lot done.

Being so close to 50k is maddening. I could do this in one day. OK, that settles it. I’m going to get up, wash and get dressed, go to the library, and write. I’m not going to connect to the internet, I’m not going to look at books. I’m just going to write. As much as I love web apps, I love that Scrivener is right here on my laptop and I don’t need anything else to use it. I’ve had the app open on my desktop for maybe 90% of the time I’ve owned it. Isn’t that weird? The only other apps I use as much are the browser (Chrome, right now) and iTunes. Even iTunes, I’m not using nearly as much. I don’t listen to music like I used to. If I am, I’m not writing. And if I’m listening to podcasts, I’m definitely not writing.

I don’t want to need a schedule to write, but maybe I do. With my job, at the moment, though, I can’t rely on a schedule working out. I need to be able to change my plans, like yesterday, to go in and work. Even if it’s only for a few hours. I need those few hours. And I’m happy to do it. I just logged into my account and right now I have $169. But that’s OK. I don’t need to buy groceries just yet. I get paid next week. I have two guaranteed days of work until I go home. And it’s only May 5th. All I have to worry about right now is June rent. If it comes down to it, I might sell my printer early. Which just reminded me that I need to get the next issue of The General Review up.

All the more reason to only go as far as the library today. As soon as I finish here, I’ll head up to the library, write for, let’s say, two hours. Let’s make that a deadline. Two hours and at least a thousand words. I can do that. Then I’ll come home and work on the Review. Then maybe I’ll even figure out my taxes. That will be a huge load off my psyche. I don’t know why I do these things to myself. No, that’s not true. I do. I avoid life. I always have.

I have a stack of paper to do something with. I was thinking about using it to make an illustration zine. But now that I think about it, the logistics of figuring out how to print it out on a weird size is going to be so much trouble. I wish I had a photocopier. I wish that were not such a huge expense to have in the home. I could do the drawings on the page, then just copy. Funny how easy that is. I think zines were easier when we didn’t have the technology to make expectations so high.