2011.02.19

every day, i do feel like i’m getting somewhere. but it’s slow going. i’ve made a decision, though. i’m going to write this thing as best i can, and submit it to carina. if they accept it, i’m not going to continue with school. i’m going to use that time to write more. because this is what i want, for real. i just haven’t been able to figure out how to make it happen. and a big part of that is not being able to figure out how to make anything happen. i need to find a way to move out before the end of this year. i can’t be living here anymore. i need my own space where i feel like i can spread out and just be myself. where i can leave notes out to remind myself to write more. but first, i need to write this thing. it’s pretty niche, on top of being a gay romance, so carina is the perfect place for it. it’s an in. as soon as i get something published, the rest will come easier.

but i can’t do anything next if i can’t even do this one. i have all these notes. i have enough prompts to get me over 100k words. i have characters and ideas, not enough plot, but it’s there. i really believe that when i start writing, it’ll all fall into place. i just need to start writing. a big part of this is how broken gdocs is for me right now. it just doesn’t like big files. i need a better way to write this thing. which is like trying to write a novel by buying a typewriter, but seriously!