(This post was originally written on 750words.com. It has been edited.)

So last night, I forgot. I didn’t even cheat just to make word count. I was thinking about it, but then I started reading and just forgot. Back on the wagon.

And back to writing just whenever I can. I fell out of that habit along the way. I got too attached to a no distractions score, but I already have that badge. I can’t get it again. The whole point of the iPhone is to write whenever I can. On the bus and on the couch. Just get the words down however possible. Because I need a whole lot more. I need more than 15k if I’m going to get 30k for the month. I like the 30k goal. It’s much more realistic than 50. 30k is just a thousand every day. I’m behind on that, but I can catch up easier than I can catch up to 50. But if I can’t even make 30. Then that just feels sad. If I’m going to write a novel, I need to be able to put the words out. It’s actually been a couple of days since I looked at the doc. When was the last time I added anything? If I can’t remember, I can’t really call myself a writer, can I? I love the story and I love the characters. I just don’t know the story and I don’t always feel like I know the characters. If I don’t know what a character will do in a certain situation, I get stalled. But if I don’t even have a situation, well, I don’t even have a book. I have a collection of characters in a collection of scenes and stuff happens, but god knows where it’s going. Not me, and I’m supposed to be god. I don’t much care for that philosophy of the writer. I don’t like the one about the muse, either, or how the story gets channelled and the writer is but a vessel. I just want to make up people and write them having interesting conversations. Is that where this book is falling down? Too many scenes, past and present, but not enough actual conversation? I just have to dig back into it. Get stuck in. I probably need a sounding board. I need to talk out loud, think out loud, write out loud.

I need to stop procrastinating is what I really need to do. Turn off the Internet and write a couple thousand words in Scrivener. At least a thousand tonight, I hope. At least 750. Sometimes, that’s all I can hope for. Sometimes, my brain just doesn’t want to settle down and write. Right now, there’s not a lot I can do about that. It’s this job. I need so much time to decompress after a day of dealing with customers. It takes far longer than it should to get my head back in a place where I can write. Even when I’m on the bus, I barely have enough time to get in the doc. I need to be able to immerse myself, but there isn’t that kind of time. It’s picking and poking from here to 60k words, I think. That’s a good number for YA, I think. I should double check that.

Just two hundred more words for tonight. Then I’m gonna read a bunch of other tabs. Then I’m gonna poke at Scrivener. Well, I’m gonna do both at the same time, to be honest. It’s always playing out somewhere in the back of my head. Then it gets louder, and I bang out a few hundred words. I just wish that happened more often.