2010.11.15

(This post was originally written on 750words.com. It has been edited.)

It’s halfway through the month, and I’m not halfway through the novel. I’m just over 13k. I’ve adjusted my expectations a little. Work is proving to be too much for a writing schedule. I don’t get nearly enough done on the bus, and when I get home, I just don’t feel like it. I need a lot of downtime to decompress from having to deal with so many people and their problems. But I don’t have enough time. I work so much that I need more time alone and then I don’t have time leftover to write. I need to get better at this. I don’t know how, but I’ll figure it out. For now, though, I will aim for 30k words at the end of the month. That’s 1000 every day. I’m a little behind on that goal, too, but there’s still time to catch up. I think I might do a bunch of character prompts to get my rhythm back. Or get a rhythm. Maybe I never had one to start with. I have a plot, but I haven’t really started moving it forward. I keep writing around the plot. I keep going back to the character pieces. It’s not that it’s easy stuff to write, but it’s stuff I know. Plot, I don’t know. I just hate conflict. I don’t like confrontation. I don’t like it in my fiction and I don’t like it in real life. It only stands to reason that I have a hard time writing it myself. But it’s necessary, isn’t it? Conflict is what makes a compelling story.

I’m starting to get punchy. I’m at that place I’ve been a few times now. I don’t always know what I’m typing, only that I keep typing. When I was looking through all the archived entries of 750 words, there was some good stuff that I don’t remember at all. And it’s proper English. That just bothers me. I don’t remember. How can I not remember. And what I’m writing right now, there’s a better than even chance I won’t remember this either. The problem is that I need these words. They don’t have to make a change, but I still have to. I need to have something to write, every day. Every day is hard. Every day is what makes you a writer.