2010.09.26

(This post was originally written on 750words.com. It has been edited.)

I could leave this to the absolute last minute, and race against the clock, but, honestly, it’s not worth it. Just suck it up and write my 750 words. Why is it getting harder? This exercises started out so well. Now it’s a chore at the end of my day. That’s the problem, maybe. It’s at the end of my day instead of the beginning. I used to do it when I woke up. Now I write when I just want to go to bed. That’s the problem with this job, too. I have some time at the end of the day, but I just want to sleep. I don’t want to do anything else. It’s really hard to get the words out. It’s hard to know what to write for twelve minutes straight.

I do have stories to write, but I don’t know how to write them. But I am making progress. I’m realising how much every story I write is about the exact same thing. I’ve tried an exercise with some of the short stories I did with find and replace. And they fit pretty well together. I don’t know how they’re all going to come together in the end, but I’ll find a way. It’s heartening to see the word count. Without even trying, I have a couple of thousand. Well, I did try back then. I did the work before, I’m just realising it now. Putting together the bits and pieces and trying to make them work. I’m trying to broaden the scope. I always shoot my wad too fast, but I just have to come up with more wads.

More scenes. I need lots and lots of scenes, and the wider plot will work itself out in the end. I have faith. I’ve done this before. That’s how I know. It worked once before, so why can’t it work again? Why can’t I write it the same way again, that’s what I keep thinking. I think it’s because I’m trying to write it haphazardly in one big doc. We did that with fan fiction, but we also set pieces free as they were completed. That’s the last step.

I need to start posting. If only for myself. In a private journal. Maybe even wordpress or tumblr, or maybe dreamwidth. I haven’t really decided. I make these bigger decisions than they need to be. Just pick something and go with it. It’s that classic story about perfection. Like, if I can just find the perfect blog, the perfect name, the perfect characters, everything will work out. But it’s not true. It’s about putting out your best right now. But always iterating. It’s not perfect, but it’s as perfect as you can make it, and eventually, it’ll be better. Somewhere along the line. But you have to start right now.

I’m going to start tonight. I’m going to, as soon as I’m finished writing, I’m going to tab open and check usernames at all the major platforms. Oh, wait, I already got some, didn’t I? Ha! Thinking ahead. Thinking months ago, but not acting. That’s my problem. (A lot of things are my problem, aren’t they?)