2010.09.14

(This post was originally written on 750words.com. It has been edited.)

Time to start writing before I run out of time. I can’t really decide if doing this in the morning or at night is better. Considering night is somewhere way too close to midnight, probably morning. But morning is spent dreading going to work. I don’t know. I don’t know what I should be writing today. I need to get back into a rhythm. I probably need to write my novel myself. I keep trying to reclaim my motivation, but that’s never going to happen, is it? You can’t reclaim moments like that. They come around so rarely, and what? I wasted it. I never want to feel like that. I’ve spent too long in fandom to believe that it’s all been a waste. It can’t have been. It’s practice, yes. It’s my way of working towards something.

I just have to do it. That’s the thing, isn’t it? I’m having trouble with that part. It’s the same trouble I always have, a lot of people have, I think. I need the situation to be perfect before I start. I need to know how I’m writing this thing–Am I doing it in a blog or in a doc or just in simplenote. But I don’t really need to know this crap to write. That’ll all shake out later. Things will work themselves out and I need to stop worrying. I need to just write. I don’t have a plot. It’s true. I don’t even have character names. I don’t know exactly who these people are yet, but stuff like that will work itself out.

Oh, holy crap, how did it get that late so fast? I just barely have 400 words and less than ten minutes. So I need to stop thinking and just start typing. I’m listening to Nina Simone’s Sinnerman right now. I love this song so much. It’s kind of the theme song to the Pierce Brosnan version of the Thomas Crown Affair. That’s not the first place I heard it, but the first time I heard it and noticed it. That’s an important distinction to make, especially in this world we live in today. So inundated with culture, but never taking it in. We can’t take it all in. It’s pretty impossible.

That’s why the curator is such an important role today. We need those people to sift through and find the good stuff, no, the great stuff, because we don’t have time for anything less. I barely have time to watch the great stuff that gets passed on by the curators I know and love. But sometimes, you need to take a moment and just listen to a song. Really listen to a song, not have it on in the background while you do three other things. The first time I really heard Sinnerman, I was, obviously, watching a movie. I was probably on my computer, too. But the song made me sit up. I almost stopped watching the movie. I just wanted to listen to the song. It’s more than 10 minutes long, and they used a considerable chunk of it during the movie. The handclaps are my favourite part, I think. The way the rhythm builds. The way the crowd builds. It’s pretty awesome. It’s like a whole musical in one song. There are movements, variations, not just one melody, one lyric, one line from beginning to end. It’s many songs in one. It’s not too many, just enough many. It’s Nina Simone, but also that crowd of hand clappers, and the drummer working the cymbals, and the piano player, and everyone else making the whole thing a symphony, not just a song. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to hear this song performed in a tiny coffee and smoke filled club back in the 1950s.