2010.09.12

(This post was originally written on 750words.com. It has been edited.)

Time to get my 850 words out of the way because I have a half a dozen tabs open I want to read, and I have to be up for work tomorrow morning. Just a half day, which is nice. A whole day off would be nicer, but we are so crazy busy. I barely have enough energy at the end of the day to wait for the bus. I certainly don’t have the time to write these days. And I want to, so bad. I guess I need to read less? I don’t know. Maybe delete some tags from delicious, some blogs from my reader, some subscriptions from youtube.

I just need to pare my life down to the essentials. This one story. A novel, I hope. That’s the only thing I need to be writing. The only thing I need in my head. I don’t even have room to read a book right now, but I am reading a pro fan fic. That’s what ebook gay romances amount to, anyway. They’re not much better than fan fic, but I believe that’s because a lot of writers focus on plot and dialogue rather than character building. Because character building is the very last thing you need to do to write a decent fic. Characterisation, yes, but not character building. I’m not wild about the book I’m trying to read. It hasn’t grabbed me so much as to make me want to read to the detriment of all else. That’s what I want my books to do. The ones I read and the ones I write.

I spend a lot of time on character. Almost forgetting plot, but I try. That’s what’s occupying the time I could be writing this novel thing. I’m plotting instead, everything. The story, the characters, the style. Most of all the title. I almost feel like I need a title just to get on track. Did I waste all that energy on something that wasn’t worth it? Something that didn’t get the attention it deserved, that’s for sure. Am I all out of words? I can’t believe that. I have a method now. I must be able to duplicate the process.

There’s always a part that’s stuck in my head, a part that never makes it down onto paper. Funny. Some people probably believe that a successful stories leaves everything on the page. But it’s not true. There are character bibles and timelines and backstory snippets that get written for my own edification. Sometimes they’re things that just don’t fit. But they’re in the story in another way. Subtext. JK Rowling waited until after the series was over to admit Dumbledore was gay. But I don’t believe it was an afterthought to appease the audience. I believe she really knew Dumbledore was gay all along. She knew it so well that she believed it was already in the text, somewhere. It was an integral part of her characterisation that it must have bubbled up somewhere. And it did. It’s just that the portion of the audience who read it that way was a small portion. Definitely not the mainstream.

I need character bibles and timelines and backstory snippets. That’s kind of what we’re writing right now. The backstory snippets. Hopefully, some of them will become whole backstories. Maybe some of them will become story. I don’t know yet where the main story is going. Forward, I hope, but beyond that. I just like snippets, vignettes. I’d write them all day, if I thought it would get me published. Someday, I will published them, but I don’t think they’ll be the thing that gets me published. To get my foot in the door, I’m going to need something a little more conventional. So, of course, I’m writing a contemporary gay romance. Because the publishing industry loves those. The publishing industry has never seen anything like the novel I’m going to hand them. But I have to start somewhere. I believe that. I want to believe that something conventional can grow into something bigger, better, respectable.

I really hope this story is it. I just want to write. I want to be paid to write. I want to write the way I want to write. I don’t now who will pay me. Maybe I will have to self-publish. My dream, I think, would be to publish novels through a house, but vignette-y chapbook things on my own. That works for me.