(This post was originally written on 750words.com. It has been edited.)

I started my first official day of work today, but I really just want to ramble about Alles was zahlt. OH MY GOD. This show. This storyline. It’s killing me. It must be killing the fans of all other soap operas ever because it is so well written, so well paced, and so well acted. Igor has grown up in front of our eyes. He had already changed so much from the 17 year old who showed up back in 2007, oh wow, has it been that long. With the crazy printed hoodies and awful embroidered jeans and the big shoes–well, his shoes are still big. But he’s so different. The first break up and the thing with Vanessa taught him a lot, but his reunion with Roman was huge. He changed. And now he’s changing again, so fast, right before our eyes, right where Roman can see him, too, which is so important.

The next big thing is going to be him forgiving Roman. Once that happens, he’ll be even more grown up. I don’t think we can call him a puppy any longer. We’ll have to call him a dog. Which is weird, and we probably won’t do it. Because Roman is still the bunny, Deniz will be the puppy. I’ve always wondered if that was deliberately done. I wonder when the first reference to puppy Deniz is. How long ago it happened? Sometimes I think about going back and watching the storyline from the beginning. Well, skipping over most of the Dark Years. Skipping a lot really, but I haven’t tried.

I can’t watch the Luke and Noah stuff over again. I can barely watch the Luke and Reid stuff over and over, and it’s actually decent, by soap standards. You always have to clarify. I’m just not that kind of person. I like to rewatch the things I love. I can watch All the President’s Men every time I come across it on TV. But no matter how much I love White Collar, I really don’t need to rewatch it that often. Then again, Band of Brothers. I can rewatch that shit on a loop. It’s only ten hours, but somehow, I can watch til the end, then start it up again. Weird. There must be a few other things like that.

With the death of an old fandom, almost immediately, I went looking for a new one. I needed something to distract my brain. I always need that. (Wow. I just realised that work is so busy that it makes the day go by fairly fast, but I don’t even have time to write stories in my head. That’s weird. I don’t know how long I can survive that.) I found a new fandom on YouTube.

I went looking for Luke and Noah first. I knew about them. Because, of course, in fandom, you just know about the good (and bad) gay stories that are out there. Because we would rather watch and consume them than write them ourselves. I mean, I want to write them myself, too, but I need something to just sit back and watch. I had never watched a soap opera before. I didn’t have someone to introduce them to me, and I think they very much are a loyalty thing. HA. Just now. Soap operas are to daughters as sports teams are to sons. They get passed down by the parents, they engender deep loyalty. My mom never watched them, so I never watched them. In fact, the only people I knew who watched soaps seriously were the Hunters. And not even Coreen, who was my friend. It was her older sister, Cindy, and her mom. I remember the poster of that blonde dude (Paul?) pinned up above the landing of the stairs. Maybe it was signed?

Luke and Noah was my introduction. By the time I started watching, they were two years in. It was a lot to catch up on, but not a lot at the same time, you know? They had been shafted since the beginning. They did nothing with Noah as a person, that I even had a hard time understanding why Luke was with him in the beginning. Because, remember, it was Noah dropping a box of tapes and Luke helping him to pick them up, and their hands touch and they fall in love? Luke didn’t even know Noah was gay at that point. He didn’t even suspect. Then the storylines that followed. One soap cliche of scandal after another. This is why I don’t watch soap operas. But I watch Luke.