Oh my God, ENTERPRISE fandom, why are you the exact opposite of everything I want you to be? I’m into the third season now, and I’ve managed to again choose the wrong pairing. A new guy joins your crew, tells you how to do your job, does it better than you, and you end up pummeling each other up in the hallway, and this doesn’t lead to fans writing copious amounts of sex?

Not like the actual show is much better. Here’s what a good showrunner does: hires Jeffrey Dean Morgan in 2003. Here’s what ENTERPRISE did: put him in prosthetics and in the dark and named him Xindi Reptilian #1.